A wise woman builds her home but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands. – Proverbs 14:1
To the Messy Men that I love oh-so-much,
I’m going to go against the grain here. It seems as though the internet wants to get on these here blogs and talk about how awful you all are or how tired I should be… well, I’m not drinking that Kool-Aid. I think you’re awesome. Every single messy, sloppy & forgetful thing about you is awesome. Maybe its not awesome in the conventional way – but it’s awesome in the way that you are mine…. and that’s what this is really all about.
There are a lot of blogs/articles/facebook statuses going around saying things like “Stay-at-home-mom depression is REAL” and “My husband doesn’t appreciate all I do all day” and “I just need a vacation because being a mom/nurse/cook/housekeeper/taxi driver/blah/blah/blah is hard.” Don’t you listen to them, needy men of mine. Don’t you listen one bit. Let me tell you something about all these people saying all these things… they must not realize how incredible it is to be a mommy & wife.
Awesome?! Noooo…. its SO hard.
Damn right it’s hard. It should be! Being your mom & wife is literally the most important job I will ever and have ever had…. therefore it SHOULD be hard. The important stuff is never easy. It can’t be. It matters too much.
Now now – don’t let me confuse you – I still would appreciate you cleaning up after yourselves & making sure you always use your manners. Those are basic principles that no man should ever forget. And I promise that I WILL let you know when I’m upset with you. But I can also promise you that I won’t resent you for not being a model citizen every single moment of your life – because I’m not either.
The problem I am having with these blogs these days is that it’s giving us moms/wives the wrong sense of entitlement. Don’t get me wrong – we DO do a lot. We DO deserve to be respected and treated fairly. But we don’t deserve the right to write an open letter to our husbands about how they don’t do enough. THEY deserve a private conversation & our marriage deserves discretion. We don’t deserve the right to act like we resent the busy job of being a mom. Being a mother is a PRIVILEGE denied to so, so many. I take my job as your wife & mommy very seriously. I want to show you a shining example of what goodness, patience & stewardship look like. I want you to understand why I deserve respect – not that I’m entitled to it, as goes for all of you. I want you to always know that even when I’m mad, I love you all more than words or any blog will ever be able to express.
So, My wish for you 3 wonderful fellas is this:
To my husband –
You work so hard for our family. I DO get frustrated when I feel like my”work” days never end and I know I express that to you – but please don’t mistake my frustration as me diminishing what YOU do. You are an integral part of why our family works and I appreciate you. Thank you for working outside of our home, away from your boys, so that I may stay here in the chaotic paradise I call home and watch them grow and be present for every moment. You may not always put your socks in the hamper or wash your plate after dinner – but you do your best for our family and I’m blessed that you’re mine. We’re a team – the best team. I love you.
To my two sweet, adventurous, busy boys – You light my life. You’re messy – I’m a clean freak. You’re EVERYwhere – I’m structured. You’re unpredictable – I’m 2 steps ahead. You’re happiness – I’m grateful. My job as your mommy is to embrace all the things that will soon disappear with adulthood and teach you how to manage them responsibly. I do NOT want to get away from you. I do NOT suffer from a depression from being at home with you. I do NOT resent you. I AM tired. All that means is that you both keep me so busy being your mommy. Thank you for teaching me selfless love & inspiring me to be the best person I can be. You have given me purpose. Thank you. I love you. Love, Me.
****Ladies – please be aware that every time we complain about “all the things we do”, we diminish the importance of our role. Every single living human being on this planet came to be from a mother. You’re job as a mom isn’t easy because it shouldn’t be. It’s the most important job there is (I already said that but I’ll say it again.) And you’re job as a wife is your CHOICE. And if you’re only means of communicating your grievances to your husband is passive aggressively sharing a blog on Facebook, you must not want change all that bad (because I can guarantee your husband won’t read that blog & have some kind of epiphany.) Marriage takes work. Momming takes work. It’s all work. There are so many women (some who may be reading this) who desperately want to find a husband or maybe have lost one and who want nothing more than to be a mom -or- are having to do it on their own. If we are lucky enough to be in the elite club of wives & mothers, lets quit looking to the internet for validation and a pat on the back for things that we should do graciously & humbly. We know we’re awesome. We know what we do. We know we matter.
And that’s all that matters.